My cat is such a refined beast. She refuses to ‘cat’.
Laser pointers? No.
Feather toy? No.
Mechanical mouse? No.
You get the point. She is too pleased with her clean little coat, her immaculate bean feet and her perfectly coiffed self to be caught DEAD playing like a common house cat.
So she looks at me like I’ve lost my mind whenever I trail yarn across the room to entice her or flick a water bottle cap across the floor to see if she will chase it. Her face is the perfect ‘you’ve cat to be kitten me right meow?’ face. Ever.
However, I have found her Achilles heel! Buzzfeed recently posted THIS and of course, because it was endorsed by Buzzfeed, it went viral. Which means I saw it 600 times and it was sent to me via email, Facebook feed, text message and smoke signal. To say I saw it implies only once – the people in my soc-meds circles insured that I was inundated by it.
I scoffed. No way would MeowKitty fall for that.
Then one Thanksgiving-eve, whilst wine buzzed and giddy with carb-overload daydreams, I indulged a friend and gave it a shot. I didn’t have pretty colored tape to use, but apparently ANYTHING will work.
I set the bait.
I acted nonchalant, but she was on to me. I will not be a pawn in your sad, human game of entertainment. Gah, my cat can REALLY be a drag sometimes. I went about
pouring more wine being a productive adult and using my time wisely.
I glanced back into the living room and found, MUCH TO MY SURPRISE, THIS…
It’s almost more than I can handle, because she just does not cat! Maybe this is one of those ‘had to be there’ moments, but I found it hilarious. Also, she stayed there for TWO AND A HALF HOURS. She had a nice bath, a nap and then bitch-stared me for a solid ten minutes while I
had a third glass of wine paid bills online.
When she finally left the circle – she came out a CAT. She was running wild around the house, chasing everything – including her tail – and jumping in and out of the box that delivered my
fourth pair of boots this season new cookware.
It was the best three minutes of being a cat owner I’ve ever experienced. She quickly reverted to Princess Purrface when she noticed me laughing like the idiot I had become after the
four three glasses of wine.
I might have to set this up again, when I’m feeling a little
buzzed bored and in need of a laugh. Also, it’s about darn time she started to contribute something to our relationship other than her fur balls everywhere.
There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person. ~Dan Greenberg