Sleeping Arrangements


This says it all.

So, as stated before I am single. Super single. Like – ‘I’m a decade older than the average male in my city with little hope for a change’ – kind of single. Yet I have not given up completely. I still believe that one day my prince will come I’ll bump into someone nice, with great taste in music, a challenging intellect and we will have that romantic movie montage thing together (you know, hand holding, farmer’s markets, maybe even a little canoe moment). Until then…my cat sleeps in my bed.

She doesn’t just sleep in my bed, she sleeps on my pillow, just above, if not on, my head. She is insistent on this. She is like a tree by the water that shall not be moved.

So we have our routine which resembles some variation of this nightly:

Step 1: I brush my teeth and wash my face in the bathroom. MeowKitty (heretofore known as MK) rubs her face on EVERYTHING that smells like something other than MK, including my legs. No big deal, her fangs aren’t sharp at all.

Step 2: I approach the bed and move decorative pillows. MK approaches the bed and death stares me as I toss her day-sleeping squares onto the chair, which is also hers.

Step 3: I pull back the duvet and sheet. MK pounces on the 1000 thread counts as if field mice were just there and then immediately begins to biscuit*.

Step 4: I remove MK, and all her very sharp claws, from ridiculously pricey sheets and deposit her gently onto the floor *wishful thinking*. MK fakes me out by prancing out of the room – with an air of ‘I have important cat things to attend’

Step 5: I commence watching hours of Gilmore Girls on Netflix fall gently into slumber. MK times her return with my slowed breathing and startles me from slumber with an aggressive raking of fangs across my forehead.

Step 6: I attempt to move MK to the other pillow – the one reserved for theorhetical Nice, Good Music, Intellectual, Movie-Montage Guy. MK will have none of it and after several more forehead scrapings, followed by a few obliging kitty kisses she curls up on the upper 3/4 of the pillow. ‘Good night, human’.

I better add Cat Loving to Nice, Good Music, Intellectual, Movie-Montage Guy because there is no foreseeable change in this six step process. Oh well, at least she shares the warms.


Just look at that stubborn, smug face…so self-satisfied.

*For those non-cat people: biscuiting or biscuit making is when a cat kneads their paws – CLAWS OUT, MAY I ADD – onto anything remotely softish. Your couch cushions, pillows, your belly – all qualify.

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